March 23, 2015
What it means to be a man has changed in recent decades, and according to psychotherapist Garfield, men need new ways to relate to each other and the world at large in order to survive and thrive in it. In this rewarding self-help book, Garfield guides men through the whys and practical hows of developing fulfilling male friendships. According to him, platonic friendships can offer the keys to emotional balance and intelligence that past versions of the “guy code” of behavior have neglected. Garfield shares lessons he’s developed through his time leading “friendship labs,” a “guy-safe” term for group therapy, where he focuses on helping men develop friendships that are free from the societal and gendered traps he calls “dementors,” such as brutal machismo and homophobia. Friendship is both tool and reward for Garfield, who focuses in later chapters on developing friendships that sustain every sphere of a man’s life—the office, his family, his marriage, and more. It’s hard to imagine a guy’s guy picking this book up, but if he were assigned to read it, he’d be surprised—it contains an empathetic, approachable, skills-driven guide to an invaluable reward. Agent: Joelle Delbourgo, Joelle Delbourgo Associates.
February 15, 2015
Methods for fostering and enhancing relationships between men.As a psychotherapist with more than 20 years of experience, Garfield (Psychiatry/Univ. of Pennsylvania) has heard countless stories from men about how they wish to nurture and develop their relationships with other men. Using techniques he has perfected in his "Friendship Labs," the author gives readers the tools men need to "develop emotional competencies-The Four C's, we call them-which include learning how to make good connections in close relationships, share heartfelt communication, develop a strong practice of commitment, and learn to manage conflict." In order to implement these strategies, one must develop a sense of trust and overcome negative behaviors such as machismo and a desire to compete, homophobia, being unaware of the feelings of others and misogynistic attitudes. By addressing these issues, Garfield assures readers they can embrace strong bonds between men their own age, younger men, sons, fathers and even wives. Many of the practices he recommends to bolster the Four Cs will be familiar to those who have read or studied relationship-building strategies, whether for men toward women, women toward men or any other combination. Being honest with one another, staying in regular contact, listening empathically, creating a safe environment for the full disclosure of emotions-these are all common practices for which Garfield advocates. His message is solid, and the end results are better relationships for men with other men and women. The use of his own experiences, as well as those of men from his Friendship Labs, lends credibility to his ideas, but these concepts are not revolutionary; they simply cover well-known territory from a slightly different perspective. In an appendix, the author includes the "first published report of a national survey on men's friendships and emotional intimacy," which he co-wrote. Informative but hardly groundbreaking.
April 1, 2015
Psychiatrist and family therapist Garfield (psychiatry, Univ. of Pennsylvania) presents an eye-opening analysis of how male friendships have historically been obstructed by the "male code" of behavior that prevents meaningful relationships. The author's 20-plus years of experience counseling men reveals a pattern of male relationships characterized by difficulty with emotional intimacy and few deep connections. He explains that the code is learned early in development and further ingrained as men age, resulting in such habits as emotional restraint, withholding of personal information, defending one's position, controlling one's behavior as well as the behavior of others, sustaining oneself without assistance, and being physically tough. The code is both overtly taught as well as influenced by parents, siblings, and public institutions, and has endured through a powerful system of rewards and punishments. Cogent chapters cover how to appreciate the importance of emotional intimacy and the psychological obstacles to developing close male bonds. Garfield also describes the skills necessary for men to build intimate friendships with other men, discussing how close friendships can powerfully help men in their marriage, with parenting, and with navigating the complicated work world. VERDICT This scientific research is solidly rooted in the empirical process, is amply notated, and can serve as the male counterpart to Betty Friedan's classic The Feminine Mystique. Highly recommended for therapists working with men and all psychiatry collections.--Dale Farris, Groves, TX
Copyright 2015 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.